How to Talk to Your Family About Your Will
Deciding to have your Will drawn up is a responsible and important step.
At some point, you will want to tell your close friends or immediate family, so they know it exists and who to contact to retrieve it.
Sadly, we’re never taught ‘inheritance etiquette’. It’s quite normal to be nervous about the whole host of questions that sharing this information with others will bring.
On the other hand, it could make them so uncomfortable that they clam up and don’t act like their usual helpful selves.
The truth is, we’ve been conditioned not to talk about death or finances. But making a Will involves being pretty blunt about both.
We want to ensure that you feel confident with the whole process, not just the legal side.
Why Sharing is Caring
Bringing up your wishes after your death can be a conversation stopper over the dinner table.
We understand that it’s easier said than done, but there are so many benefits of having those difficult conversations sooner rather than later.
Have you ever read a novel and got the character’s voice all figured out, but when the movie version is released, you’re so disappointed because they’re not at all like how you imagined?
Imagine the same issue occurring for others when reading your Will. Although the legal implications of your wishes will be carried out, there is no way of guaranteeing that there won’t be confusion or arguments because of misunderstandings.
We will prepare your Will carefully and outline your individual needs. But the best way to ensure that your loved ones understand is by discussing your wishes with them directly.
How to Prepare for ‘the Talk’
We’ve already established that estate planning can often be a difficult subject.
Giving people notice that you would like to discuss your Will with them at a certain time gives them the opportunity to prepare themselves, rather than springing it on them unannounced.
Remember that every family dynamic is different. A lot therefore depends on trusting your gut and accepting that there is no perfect way to bring up the subject. Something is always better than nothing.
Treat the conversations as a useful tool and information gathering exercise, something that you benefit from rather than them. This will take away the pressure. You may never have known that your granddaughter has always coveted that particular piece of jewellery, if you don’t ask.
Finally, you will need to consider whether you sit down the whole family together or you approach key people individually.
There are three main areas that you should discuss with the trusted people you choose to tell about your plans.
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Funeral Wishes
Whilst your funeral wishes can be incorporated into your Will, it is often helpful for these to be shared with your family members in addition to relying just on that one document alone.
Depending on where your Will is stored, it could take a couple of weeks or so before it can be retrieved.
It’s likely that your family would want to get started planning the funeral before then.
Don’t leave them second-guessing what you might have wanted. Some of the things you could discuss with them are:
✔ If you’d like to be buried, do you have a specific church or cemetery in mind?
✔ If you’d like to be cremated, where would you like your ashes scattered
✔ Do you have something different in mind entirely?
✔ How do you imagine your funeral will be?
✔ What readings or music would you like to be included?
Whilst you’re on the subject of your specific funeral plans, it would be an ideal opportunity to discuss what you want to happen to you if you were medically incapacitated.
An enduring power of attorney can be prepared at the same time as your Will and can include similarly specific wishes about your health and welfare.
Personal Property
Once you start asking the questions, you’d be surprised which of your possessions mean certain things to different people.
You might want to let someone know how important they are to you by offering them something valuable. Or something that brings back memories from a particular time.
You could draw up a list of your main sentimental items and ask your family members if there is anything in particular that would be important to them.
This might sound like a sombre exercise but making the decisions whilst your healthy and well makes everything easier later on.
Financial Matters
You don’t have to talk about specific figures. Plus, if you’re making your Will early, like we’d always recommend, it’s likely that the figures will change over the coming years and decades anyway. That’s OK, as your Will will last.
But it is useful to discuss with family how you would like your estate distributed, whatever the estate is actually made up of.
✔ You could discuss with potential executors that you’d like them to act and gauge whether they would be up to the responsibility that that involves.
✔ You can also explain to your family that you would like to leave money to a certain charity and why that is so important to you.
✔ If you have children under 18, you can let their potential Guardians know how you want their money to be dealt with. As above, although we can prepare a trust which outlines in black and white what should happen, with all the will in the world we can’t speak for you after you’ve gone.
✔ You can talk through what you would like to happen in different scenarios, for example if you are leaving money to children but they were to pass away before you. Would you want their share to pass to their children or to somebody else? Having someone to test these hypothetical situations with will ensure your Will is as full and comprehensive as possible.
We care about not only getting it right, but getting it you.
At Brite Legal, we don’t just give you legally sound advice based on years of experience. We are interested in helping you with the whole package from start to finish, whatever that might mean for you.
If you are seeking support and guidance navigating your family law matter, please feel free to reach out to us by calling (08) 8721 2200 or emailing us at [email protected] to book your free strategy call.
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