Tips for Surviving School Holidays as a Separated Parent

Organising your kids’ calendars during their school holidays is a mission. 

You need to co-ordinate with your co-workers, make sure any holiday clubs are paid and pull in favors from family members to tie up any loose ends. 

You’re sick of the sight of the calendar. 

When you’re a separated parent, there is the added complication of ensuring that each of you get a fair amount of time. 

Time to just be together and relax, amongst all of the other to’ing and fro’ing. 

It’s normal to feel some level of anxiety when the usual routine changes. It’s also normal to put too much pressure on yourself for the holidays to go perfectly. 

For the kids to make memories, for your finances not to be ruined, for everybody to be getting along. 

Ever been left feeling like you need a holiday after the holiday to recover? 

We’ve outlined seven tips to help the school holidays pass by effortlessly, so that you can focus on the fun!

“If anything isn’t explicitly clear to you at the start of the school holiday, now is the time to speak up.”

1. Stick to the Plan 

The schedule you have in place was created for a reason. It should be clear and concise, to limit any room for misunderstanding or miscommunication. 

If anything isn’t explicitly clear to you at the start of the school holiday, now is the time to speak up.

If you’ve had a great couple of days with the kids, that’s wonderful! However, don’t use this as an excuse to ask the other parent for ‘just a few more hours’. 

This is unfair to the other parent and throws the whole arrangement out. 

In the same way, if you’ve offered to be the one who drives the kids or offered to make sure they arrive with certain items, follow through. Sure, things pop up which might make plans more difficult, but the holiday period will run much more smoothly if everybody holds up their end of the bargain. 

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2. Offer as Much Information as Possible 

If you’re travelling out of state or out of country with the kids, accept that your ex-partner is going to worry about them. 

This has nothing to do with their opinion of your ability to parent, it just comes with the territory. That will never change, even when your kids have their own kids. 

Sharing your itinerary with the other parent means they can picture exactly where the kids are and what they’re up to. This takes a lot of the apprehension out of the situation. 

Offering to provide the flight details, information about the hotel and the surrounding area and relevant contact numbers is courteous and kind. 

Even if you’re not travelling overseas, providing a day by day breakdown of your plans would be beneficial. 

3. Keep in Touch 

What makes anxiety worse is the unknown.  

Allowing the other parent to check in with the kids for a quick phone call or Facetime during the week will put them at ease. It only needs to be half an hour or so, and only once a week. 

That way, the kids will have lots to rave about. 

Agree what time and on what day the kids will call before the school holiday starts. Ensure that everybody is clear what the arrangement is. 

That way, there is no need to be chasing to ask for a call or making sure that everything’s going OK. 

 4. Ask About Finances Before the Break 

Child support is paid to the resident parent to cover food and general living expenses. 

If your child is spending an extended amount of time with the other parent, will you still receive child support for those weeks? 

There is no black and white rule about this. 

The paying parent may consider that their payments are to be distributed throughout the whole year, so continue to pay. 

Alternatively, they simply may not be able to afford to pay child support and for the activities they have planned for the kids during their time. 

If both parents have to work during the school holiday, the parent whose ‘time’ it is with the kids for those weeks usually cover the costs of childcare for that period, as they won’t be in school. 

Discuss the financial aspects and reach an agreement before the time rolls around to avoid anything unexpected and unpleasant.

5. Consider the Children’s Ages        

You’ve been counting down the days until the kids break up from school again and you get to spend more time together. 

But now that they’re older, they want to have their own say. This may well include days out with their friends without you. This didn’t exactly fit into your schedule. 

The arrangement that has worked for the last few years will not last forever. 

If you’re not quite there yet, make the most of all the time you have together. And if you are, try and reach a compromise.  

For example, accept the kids being with their friends all day but ask that they have dinner with you. Or take them out for a special breakfast before letting them loose. 

This way, you still get more time with them than if the kids were at school, plus they see that you understand them and appreciate their wishes.

6. Involve Extended Family        

The extra time off school can be used to benefit the whole family. If your usual contact schedule doesn’t allow for much time with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins then school holidays are a great time to involve everybody. 

Divorce or separation doesn’t just affect the nuclear family - the parents and kids. 

Often, extended family members feel like they can no longer just ‘drop by’ once their relation is no longer living with the children. 

Without the rigid timetable of school, make the most of the opportunity to reconnect with the whole family.

7. Remember that Kids Come First 

The kids have worked hard all year. They’ve been resilient in a changing world and not let anything phase them. 

Don’t let them know if you are feeling stressed, anxious or how much you’re missing them. They will only worry about you. 

Let them enjoy themselves and be carefree. They will thank you for it later. 

Finally, make the most of the time to yourself! 

As much as you will be missing your kids whilst they're away, they’ll be back soon and the normal routine will start again. 

You’ll soon be wondering where that precious me-time went and counting down until the summer. 

If you would like further support and guidance during your separation journey, don’t hesitate to book a free strategy call with our experienced family lawyers today.